I’ve learnt a lot throughout the years at university, however third year I learnt mostly about myself. For example, I have discovered that I have a talent in wildlife photography, and this will be something I continue to work on as it is something I enjoy. However, theres one thing I’ve never been the best at throughout and that is the production pack. I absolutely love doing the risk assessments, but when it comes down to creating a treatment and the majority of the other documents, I find it difficult. Throughout this year I have been researching into production packs, and press packs, to see what kind of information goes into them so that I have a better understanding of what I should be writing/creating. This has helped a lot, and you can see that I have progressed as the most recent of my production packs has been more detailed, and I’ve attempted to add more aspects into it, rather than having a basic production pack. Although I will continue to progress this further, due to other projects that I’m beginning to plan out, I know this will most likely not be the line of work I end up in. However, I have learnt how important it is to have a decent production pack, as when you have all the information in front of you its easier to make sure the shoot goes with the minimum amount of issues.
One aspect of my project I’m definitely not pleased with is the audio, although I did do my best to get it to the best quality that I could from what I started with. Unfortunately when going over to record my mum, I wasn’t too prepared for the recording and everything seemed to keep going wrong. I had planned to record using a microphone that I had bought beforehand, which I had tested and managed to get working well at the time. However, when it came to finally recording in Spain, the microphone decided it didn’t want to work with the macbook so I had to use the only other microphone I had, which happened to be connected to the computer. The microphone of a macbook pro is of questioning quality, however, it was not too bad and was still saveable in a way. Next I took this audio into Adobe Audition, and played around with all I had learnt from sound editing lessons. I got rid of the noise in the background, and edited my mothers voice down to less of an echo, however, this seemed as far as I was going to be able to edit it before the sound became too distorted. Looking back on this experience there were some things I would do differently. If I were to record someone or something again I’d invest money into a professional sound recording device, one that was portable and I didn’t have to rely on my laptop for. I’d also take a back up device with me, in case the first one is having problems.
Another aspect that is a fault of my own is that I tend to overthink my work, and I feel this may have affected some of my outcomes. I went over to Jersey, attempting to recreate the memories of my mother through landscape photography, and to do that I felt I needed to relax and let the emotions come through within my work. However, all I can remember is that my mind was overworking constantly, worrying about how the photographs would turn out and if they would be different. When, really, I should have been focusing on the subject itself and how my mum would have felt in that place, or how the experiences she had there would have made her feel. I have learned from this, however, this is not something I can change instantly. I believe I need to start finding ways to relax myself when creating work, and freeing my mind to be able to produce the work at the best of my ability.
Something that links up with the other thinking of my work, is my self doubt. Some people tell me that I am my own worst critic, because I tend to take my work and compare it to others. I was informed that this was possibly not the best thing to do, as if I talk negatively about my work then others may as well. This affected my project as it took a large chunk of time away. Unfortunately, around about easter, I had no confidence in myself or my work, to the point where I didn’t want to believe what I had produced existed. I had to distance myself away from the work to be able to appreciate it again, and to set my mind on creating something that would do the subject justice. Thankfully, it was the moment when I decided my photographs should be produced in black and white that I was gaining confidence in my own work. From this I’ve learnt that there are times where possibly taking a break from the work can help. Also to gain a new perspective of the work, whether it is changing how you view it, or getting the point of view from another person. Once again, this is probably something I cannot change instantly, however I will be working constantly on building my own self confidence so that I may represent my work in the best way possible.
The aspect I am most proud of within my work is actually the most recent part, the design of my installation. Throughout the project I always had a worry about the final outcome, and how it would be seen in a gallery setting. I was never too pleased with having photographs on the wall and a video which didn’t seem to fit in, so constantly running through my head was ideas on how I could take the project further. From the beginning I had an image in my head of recreating the bedroom in which my uncle committed suicide, for this was a large aspect within my mothers childhood. I could never quite figure out how I could do it, or did I ever want to talk to my mother about it as I felt it was quite a harsh thing to do. However, whilst researching into installation work I discovered a sphere made out of falling photographs, this got me thinking about creating a human body out of photographs in this way. So, I decided to run with that and incorporate the pieces of work I had already made; the album, and the audio. This developed into having the body as the main focus, however involving bits of my mums positive memories with the album and the audio, as well as having some aspects of the room with the body to give the audience more of an understanding as to why he committed suicide. This has taught me to take the ideas that are within my head, write them out, and then see where I can take them. Instead of dismissing these ideas, I would run with them and see what I could create, possibly coming up with something I’d never thought of doing before.
The creation of the album was an interesting experience for me, this was because I have remade it three different times. The first time I made my album I wasn’t too happy, I placed the photos together in a cluttered manner and it was because I was feeling like I just needed to get it done. After mulling on this for a week or so, I then looked back at the album and decided to create a new one and give each page a meaning or place. So after buying a brand new album, and planning the pages, I stuck down the photographs and realised that some of them were slightly wonky. So I then tore this album apart, and created a brand new one of what remained. Although this is my favourite version so far, I still do believe that it comes to an abrupt end, as does most of the work involved within this piece. This experience was once again a subject of self doubt, I kept believing in my head I could do it better, or it wasn’t what people would want to see. I’ve learnt that maybe sometimes I do need to try a few different versions, or maybe as mentioned before try and gain more confidence in what I’ve created.
Within this year I helped out with another student project, this being Lydia’s dance project. I volunteered to help out with cinematography and camera work, however was initially told that she had a second year to help out so I might not be doing that work on the day. Even though I knew I might not be doing the actual filming, I decided to learn the camera, and also look into the production pack and everything done so far to see what I could come up with. I was however informed a day or two before that I would be shooting on the day.
As cinematographer for the project, I definitely feel as if I could have done better, although some of the circumstances were not the greatest. Unfortunately, we lost our gaffer early on in the shoot, so this resulted in myself and Lydia doing the lights whilst also trying to focus on our roles. Due to the dancers having different availability on the day we were meant to be practicing/choreographing, this meant that most of the day was also spent planning that out. And towards the time when we began to shoot the dancers were exhausted, and getting a bit angsty. This lead to some difficult decisions, as I didn’t want to have to keep the dancers there for several more hours so attempted to get the filming done asap. This was probably the wrong decision to make, and looking back I should have focused on getting the shots I needed, and let someone else worry about how the dancers were feeling. The next issue was we didn’t have a steadicam, which meant filming everything by hand, and for some reason I felt this needed to be done in one fluid shot each time. I’m haven’t got the steadiest of hands, so whilst filming I could already tell that some of the footage was going to be quite shaky. I should have realised this issue earlier on in the day, and then gone to see if we could have gotten the equipment out. From this entire experience I’ve learnt several things; make sure all expected equipment is there, focus on my role, and how important planning is. Next time I go into anything like this I will definitely be asking a lot more questions, and trying to remember what I learnt and so them.
Overall, what I’d take from the three years of university is the following; gain some confidence in myself and my work, planning is key, and as my mum always says K.I.S.S (Keep it simple stupid), so don’t overthink things. These are things I will take into my future jobs and work on, to not only grow as a person but as an artist as well. Although some may take more time than others, if I want to produce work to the best of my ability, I need to see where my negatives are and then find how I can improve upon them.
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